Forgiveness doesn’t always come wrapped in a perfect bow. Sometimes it’s messy, emotional, and honestly, really confusing.
I used to think forgiving someone meant I had to feel nothing: no pain, no sadness, no anger, just a clean slate and a holy smile. But God gently showed me that forgiveness isn’t about pretending you’re not hurt. It’s about what you do with that hurt.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean the pain disappears overnight. It means you’ve chosen to stop holding someone else hostage in your heart, even if your heart still aches. You can be in the middle of your healing and still be on the path of forgiveness.
In today’s post, I want to gently point out seven signs that show you are forgiving, even if it still hurts. Forgiveness isn’t always loud or obvious. Sometimes it’s quiet, soft, and a daily surrender between you and God.
Let’s take a look together, because you might be further along than you think.
1. You’re No Longer Obsessing or Replaying the Offense
There was a time when the hurt played on a loop in your mind, every word, every action, every silence. You’d lie awake at night replaying what they said, what you should’ve said, and what you wished had gone differently.
But now something’s shifted. You no longer feel the need to dissect every moment like you’re trying to solve a mystery. The heaviness that once weighed down your mind has started to lift, little by little. You’re not obsessing like before, because your heart is learning that peace is better than proof.
You’ve surrendered the courtroom in your mind, you’ve stopped building your case, and even though the wound still aches, you’re no longer looking to win; you’re looking to heal.
2. You Can Think About Them Without Rage
There was a time when just hearing their name made your heart race, and not in a good way. Your body would tense, your stomach would turn, and a thousand unspoken words would rise in your chest. The anger felt justified, righteous, and even necessary.
But now the rage has softened. It hasn’t disappeared altogether because healing is layered, but it no longer runs the show. You might still feel a sting when you remember certain moments, but the venom is gone. You’re not boiling anymore, you’re now breathing.
You’re not fantasizing about confrontations, you’re not rehearsing comebacks in the shower, and you’re not letting them live rent-free in your heart anymore. You’ve shifted from reaction to reflection. And that, my dear, is a sign of emotional maturity and spiritual growth.
3. You Pray for Them With Peace, Not Pain
Let’s be honest, praying for someone who hurt you isn’t easy. But when God starts healing your heart, something begins to shift. You stop praying from a place of pain and start praying from a place of peace.
I remember those early days of my separation, when I was filled with so much hurt, confusion, and anger. My prayers were raw and aching, poured out through tears I couldn’t always explain. I didn’t have the words, just the weight of it all.
But as time passed, and as God gave me the grace to forgive, something unexpected happened: I started praying for my ex, not because I had to, but because I wanted to. And not through clenched teeth, but with real peace.
Even when people said things about him, things that could have easily stirred up old wounds, I noticed something had changed in me. Instead of reacting in anger, I responded with calm and kind words. Not because I was pretending, but because I was healing.
4. You’re Focused on Your Growth, Not Their Guilt
At some point in your healing journey, you stop waiting for them to take responsibility and apologize, you stop waiting for justice, closure, or a moment that finally makes it all make sense.
And instead, you start looking inward. You begin to focus on your growth, your peace, and your next chapter. You trade the exhausting need to monitor their guilt for the empowering choice to nurture your healing.
This shift is subtle, but powerful. You stop scrolling to see if they’re suffering. You stop wishing they’d reach out so you can finally get it all off your chest. You stop needing them to validate your pain for you to move forward, and that, my friend, is bliss.
You’re not pretending it didn’t happen. You’re just refusing to stay stuck in a story where their wrongdoing defines your worth. You’re writing a new chapter where your growth is the plot twist.
5. You’ve Set Healthy Boundaries Without Needing Revenge
At one point, maybe you fantasized about getting even, saying that one hurtful line, proving your point, making them feel just a slice of what you went through. That desire for justice, even revenge, might’ve felt justified.
But now you’ve let that go. You’re not plotting, proving, or punishing anymore. Instead, you’ve started setting boundaries, not out of bitterness, but from a place of self-respect. You’re not building walls, you’re building gates.
You’ve realized that just because you’ve forgiven them doesn’t mean they get full access to your life again.
You don’t need to make announcements; you just move differently. By protecting your energy, you end up saying no more often. You love wisely, even if it’s from a distance.
Read More: How to set boundaries when you’ve always been the giver.
6. You Can Talk About It Without Breaking Down
In the beginning, just thinking about what happened brought you to your knees. Your voice would crack, your chest would tighten, and you’d feel like the pain was happening all over again. Talking about it felt like reopening a wound that refused to heal.
But you realise you can now share your story, and even if your voice still trembles, it no longer shatters you. You speak from a scar, not a fresh wound. This is because you’ve cried the deep cries, journaled the raw pages, prayed the honest prayers, and now developed a quiet strength.
This doesn’t mean you minimize what happened or sugarcoat your journey. It means you’re no longer reliving it every time you talk about it. You can tell the truth, your truth, without it undoing you. And that is a sign that forgiveness is blooming inside you slowly, gently, but surely.
7. You Feel God Closer When You Let Go
Forgiveness often feels like giving something up. It could feel like you are giving away your right to be angry, or giving up the story where you’re the victim, or even giving up control over how justice will be served. But in the letting go, something surprising happens: You feel God draw closer.
There’s a nearness to God that comes when you finally unclench your fists, when you stop holding onto the pain so tightly that it’s the only thing you can feel. You begin to hear His voice in new ways, you sense His presence in the quiet, and you feel peace where bitterness used to live.
Remember that letting go isn’t a weakness but an act of radical trust that says: “God, You saw it all. And I believe You’re still good, still just, still holding me so I don’t have to hold this anymore.”
Every time you choose peace over bitterness, every time you surrender instead of seek revenge, every time you whisper a prayer instead of rehearse the pain, you’re forgiving.
So dear, take a deep breath. You’re doing much better than you think, and God is walking this road with you, step by step.
Read More: How to forgive without reconciliation and move on gracefully
With Love,
Dr Janet
