Sometimes, the person who broke your heart is the same person you keep hoping will come back and make it right.
You wait for a text, a phone call, or an apology that says, “I see what I did, and I’m sorry.”
You dream that maybe they’ll change, come back, and finally be the person you needed all along.
But here’s the hard truth that’s important in your healing: The person who broke you can’t be the one to fix you.
It doesn’t matter how badly you wish it, or how much they once meant to you.
Healing doesn’t come from the same place where the hurt started.
Real healing? It starts with you.
Not with them coming back, not with the perfect apology, and definitely not with anything they do.
It starts when you decide to stop waiting and start rebuilding your peace.
This post is for anyone who’s felt stuck, confused, or secretly waiting for someone to make it all better. I want to walk you through why you don’t need them to fix what they broke and how you can begin to heal, rise, and feel whole again… all on your own terms.
Ready? Let’s talk about it.
The Illusion of Closure
I understand that when someone hurts us, we want answers.
We want to understand why they changed, walked away, and said they loved us, but left us feeling so broken.
It’s normal to want closure. You may feel like if you could just have one more conversation and an honest moment, your heart could finally rest.
But here’s the reality. Sometimes, the conversations never happen, the truth never comes, and the person who hurt you may never fully understand what they did, or even care to make it right.
We think closure means them making peace with us. But the truth is:
Waiting for closure from the person who broke you is like asking the storm to clean up its own mess.
You don’t need their words to heal, and you don’t need their apology to find peace.
Closure isn’t something they give you. It’s something you decide to give yourself.
And when you do? That’s when the real healing begins.
The Problem With Turning to the Source of Pain
When someone hurts us deeply, it’s easy to believe they’re the only one who can make us feel better.
You might find yourself returning to them emotionally, mentally, or even physically, hoping they’ll finally love you the way they should’ve from the start, hoping this time will be different, or that they’ll get it, and finally give you the peace you’ve been praying for.
But here’s the thing…
The person who hurt you is not the safest place to go for healing.
Going back to the person who hurt you is like picking up the same sharp glass that cut you, thinking this time it won’t hurt.
Over time, it creates a cycle, a painful loop in which you get stuck, hoping, hoping, hoping, and hurting again and again.
This is what people call trauma bonding, when your heart clings to someone who’s caused damage, just because they’re also the one you feel connected to.
It’s confusing, exhausting, and keeps you from moving forward.
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is step away. Not because you hate them, but because you love yourself enough to stop bleeding for someone who won’t hand you a bandage.
You don’t need more pain to prove your worth. You need peace, and peace doesn’t come from the same place that broke your spirit.
Why They Can’t Heal You — Even If They Wanted To
Sometimes, we think, “If they could just see what they did, if they could just try harder, maybe we could fix this together.”
But here’s a truth that’s both painful and freeing: Even if they wanted to fix it, they probably couldn’t.
Why? Because true healing doesn’t come from someone else’s change, it comes from your own growth.
They may not know how to love healthily or have the tools to change. They may not even understand how deeply they hurt you, which is hard to admit; they might not even care to understand.
Even if they do feel sorry, they say all the right things and even want to try again.
That still doesn’t mean they’re the ones who can put your heart back together.
Healing isn’t about getting what you want from them; it’s about giving yourself what you truly deserve.
Their words can’t replace your self-worth, and their presence can’t rebuild your peace.
And maybe, just maybe, they were never meant to walk with you through the healing. Perhaps their role was to wake something up inside you so you could finally learn how to care for your heart in a deeper, stronger way.
The kind of healing you’re looking for? It starts when you stop chasing them and start choosing you.
The Shift: Turning Inward Instead of Backward
There comes a moment, a quiet, decisive moment, when you get tired of looking back. Tired of waiting and wondering if they will ever make it right.
That moment? It’s where everything begins to change.
You stop asking, “Why did they do this to me?” and you start asking, “What do I need to heal from this?”
That’s the shift, from backward to inward.
Instead of trying to fix something with them, you start building something within yourself. You begin listening to your heart and notice what still hurts and what you’ve been carrying for too long.
And slowly but surely, you begin putting the pieces back together, not as you once were, but as someone even stronger.
You start:
- Taking care of your mental and emotional health.
- Setting boundaries that protect your peace.
- Spending time with people who truly see and value you.
- Saying kind things to yourself, even on the hard days.
You stop needing them to love you a certain way, because you’re now learning to love yourself in the ways you always needed.
How to Begin Healing Without Them
So, what now?
You’ve stopped looking back and let go of the idea that they will make things right, but now you’re standing at the edge of something new: your healing.
But healing can feel big and overwhelming, especially when you’re doing it alone, so let’s keep it simple.
Here are small, powerful ways to begin healing, without them:
1. Tell the truth — even if it’s messy.
Please write it down, speak it out, or whisper it to God. Say what hurt you, what you wish they had done, and what you never got to say. There’s power in honesty, even if no one else hears it but you.
2. Make space for your emotions.
You don’t have to be okay every day. Let the tears come, and the anger rise when it wants to. Feelings aren’t wrong; they’re part of the healing process. What you feel is valid, and you can grieve what could’ve been.
3. Reconnect with you
Start doing things that remind you of your worth:
- Go for walks.
- Read something uplifting.
- Spend time with people who make you feel seen.
- Listen to music that brings peace.
- Do one small thing every day that says, “I matter.“
4. Find safe support
You don’t have to do this alone. Talk to a trusted friend, relative, counselor, or coach, or join a healing group of like-minded women on the same healing journey. Let people walk beside you, not to fix you, but to remind you that you’re not alone.
5. Choose peace over closure
Even without their apology or answers, you can create peace by releasing what you can’t control. You can say, “I may never understand why, but I choose to heal anyway.”
6. Lean into God’s love
When human love falls short, God’s love steps in. He sees your pain, collects every tear, and is not waiting for you to get over it. He’s healing you in every moment you bring your heart to Him.
God’s Role in Your Healing Journey
There’s a healing this world can’t give you, including the person who hurt you, because even when people let us down, God never does.
He doesn’t just know your story; he’s been walking with you through every single chapter—the heartbreak, the betrayal, the nights you cried yourself to sleep. He saw it all, and he didn’t turn away.
When you don’t feel seen by anyone else, He sees you.
When your heart is too heavy to carry, He holds it gently.
When you can’t put the pieces back together, He becomes your strength.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18
You were never meant to heal alone.
God is not just watching from a distance; He’s working behind the scenes, rewriting what was meant to destroy you into something that will rebuild you.
He’s turning your wounds into wisdom and using what broke you to bless you.
So if you’re feeling tired, discouraged, or unsure how to move forward, just whisper this:
“God, I’m hurting. I don’t know how to heal… but I’m trusting You to help me.”
He will. He always does.
Real Healing = Not Needing Them Anymore
There’s a moment in healing that feels like a quiet victory. It’s not loud or dramatic. But one day, you wake up and realize something has changed.
You don’t need them anymore. You don’t need their apology, their explanation, or their understanding of what they did.
Because you understand now that your worth isn’t tied to their opinion and that closure isn’t something they can give, you realize that peace isn’t found in their return but in your release.
That’s real healing.
It’s when your heart stops begging for what it thought it needed, because it’s already full from what you’re giving yourself.
It’s when the storm inside you grows quiet, not because they came back and fixed it, but because you decided to stop living in the wreckage.
And now? You’re rebuilding, not as the person you were before the pain, but as someone wiser, more grounded, and stronger. Someone who knows how to choose peace over chaos, walk away without guilt, and knows how to rise.
I hope and pray this post helps you on your peaceful healing journey.
With Love,
Dr. Janet
