The first days after a breakup can feel like emotional whiplash; when hurt, loneliness, rejection, and even shame can hit you all at once. And in the middle of that storm, it’s easy to act out of pain and do things you may not be proud of later.
But here’s the truth: even though it may look and feel like the worst season of your life, this could be the beginning of your healing story.
If you can avoid a few damaging habits during this fragile time, you give your heart the space it needs to breathe, grieve, and begin to rise.
This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about protecting your peace. So let’s walk through the 10 things not to do after a breakup, because healing starts with what you choose not to carry.
1. Don’t Pretend You’re Okay When You’re Not
After a breakup, it’s easy to slip into survival mode. You slap on a brave face, keep yourself busy, and try to convince everyone (including yourself) that you’ve got this.
But here’s the thing: healing doesn’t happen in hiding. Stuffing your emotions down doesn’t make them disappear; it just buries them deeper, where they quietly grow into anxiety, anger, or exhaustion.
You don’t have to be strong every second. You’re allowed to cry, you’re allowed to say, “This hurts.” You’re allowed to admit you don’t know what to do next.
God isn’t intimidated by your heartbreak, nor is he looking for a polished version of you. He wants the real you, the raw, weepy, mascara-smudged, can’t-sleep, why did this happen to me? Version. That’s the one He draws near to.
So don’t fake it, my dear, you don’t have to. Remove the mask, breathe deeply, and let your healing begin with honesty. You’re not weak for feeling the hurt; it’s the first sign that you’re healing.
2. Don’t Stalk Your Ex on Social Media
Let’s be real, it’s tempting. You want to see if he’s missing you, looking sad, or maybe posting something that gives you hope. So you check his page, his stories, perhaps even who he’s following now.
But here’s the problem: every time you do that, you open the wound again. You make it harder for your heart to move on. So instead of feeling better, you end up feeling worse, hurt, confused, or even angry.
You don’t need to know what he’s doing to heal. In fact, the less you see, the easier it will be to breathe again. Give yourself a break, mute him, unfollow, or block if you have to. This is not to be mean, but to protect your peace.
Remember, peace is more important than answers. And healing begins when you stop looking back.
3. Don’t Vent to the Wrong People
When your heart is broken, it’s natural to want to talk. You want someone to listen, to agree with you, to say, “He didn’t deserve you anyway.” And yes, talking helps. But who you talk to matters.
Not everyone is safe with your pain. Some people may gossip, some may make you feel worse, some may mean well but say the wrong thing. And honestly? Not everyone deserves access to your healing journey.
Talk to people who love you, listen well, and speak truth with kindness. Lean into godly friends, a trusted mentor, or even a counselor. And always talk to God first, He’s the best listener you’ll ever have.
Your heart is tender right now. Protect it by choosing wisely who gets to hear your story.
4. Don’t Blame Yourself for Everything
When a relationship ends, it’s easy to blame oneself. Stop right there, sis. Breakups are rarely the fault of just one person. And even if you made mistakes (we all do!), blaming yourself for everything will only keep you stuck in shame.
You are not the reason he didn’t show up the way you needed. You are not the reason love didn’t last. And you are definitely not unlovable.
Instead of beating yourself up, try showing yourself the same grace you’d give your best friend. Talk to God about what happened. Ask Him to show you truth, not guilt. He’s not here to condemn you; He’s here to comfort you.
5. Don’t Blow Up His Phone (Seriously! Put It Down, Sis)
I get it that you want answers. You want to say just one more thing: you want him to know how much he hurt you, or maybe how much you still love him.
But sending message after message won’t bring peace. It might actually make things worse. It can leave you feeling embarrassed, rejected again, or stuck in a cycle of waiting for a reply that may never come.
Your heart doesn’t need more of this confusion. It needs space to heal. So instead of texting him, try writing it all out in your journal or talking to God about it. Let Him be the one you run to when your emotions are too heavy to carry alone.
Remember, silence isn’t weakness. Its strength. So protect your peace, it’s more valuable than any reply you can ever get.
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6. Don’t Keep Replaying the Breakup Scene in Your Mind
That last conversation, the look on his face, the words you wish you had said, or wish you hadn’t. It’s so easy to replay it all in your mind over and over like a sad movie you can’t turn off.
However, the truth is that the more you replay it, the more pain you feel. It doesn’t bring healing; it just keeps the hurt fresh.
After a breakup, your mind needs rest, and your heart needs peace. Peace comes when you choose to let go of what happened and stop trying to fix it in your head.
When those thoughts show up (and they will), I want you to shift your focus gently. Say a prayer, read a verse, go for a walk, and remind yourself that you don’t need to replay it to move forward.
7. Don’t Jump Into Another Relationship to Fill the Void
Breakups leave a space, especially if you loved them deeply. It’s tempting to try to fill that space really fast to avoid dealing with the void. Someone you can talk to and who can help distract you.
But here’s the truth: rushing into a new relationship too soon can make things even messier. It might feel good at first, but that pain you’re carrying just doesn’t disappear. It follows you, and sooner or later, it shows up again.
You deserve real healing, not a distraction. So take the time to be with yourself. To reconnect with God, to learn what you want, need, and deserve in love.
8. Don’t Numb the Pain With Temporary Fixes
When your heart hurts, it’s natural to want the pain to stop really fast. So maybe you stay up binge-watching shows, overeat, shop too much, scroll endlessly, or stay busy so you don’t have to feel anything.
However, the fact is that numbing the pain doesn’t heal it. It only hides it, and only for a little while. When the distraction fades, the hurt remains.
You don’t need to run from the pain, but you need space to feel it, face it, and let God walk you through it.
Instead of turning to quick fixes, how about turning to things that actually help, like journaling, praying, resting, going outside, and talking to someone safe. These may not erase the pain overnight, but they’ll help you heal in a real and healthy way.
9. Don’t Abandon the Things That Used to Make You Feel Alive
After a breakup, it’s easy to lose interest in everything. Things you once loved, such as your hobbies, morning walks, music, and creativity, can suddenly feel pointless.
But those little joys are part of who you are, and they can help you come back to life, little by little.
You don’t have to feel 100% ready. Just start small, open that book, go for that walk, Put on your favorite worship song, bake something, even if it’s just for you.
These moments may seem small, but they gently remind your heart that there is still life after heartbreak, and that life still holds beauty, purpose, and joy, especially when you invite God into it.
Don’t let heartbreak steal the light in you. That light is still there, waiting to shine again.
10. Don’t Shut God Out of This Part of Your Story
When your heart is broken, it’s easy to feel distant from God. Perhaps you’re angry, possibly ashamed, or maybe you’re wondering why He allowed this to happen at all.
Don’t shut Him out, let Him in, and tell Him everything you are feeling, from your sadness, your fears, to even your anger. He can handle it, and more than that, He can heal it.
He sees the tears you cry when no one’s around, He knows the ache you don’t have words for, and He’s not waiting for you to get it together before He steps in. He wants to walk with you right here, in the middle of the mess.
This isn’t the end of your story. God is still writing, and what comes next will be beautiful in ways you can’t yet see.
Healing after a breakup isn’t just about what you do, it’s also about what you don’t do. Every time you choose peace over panic, truth over shame, and stillness over chaos, you’re taking one brave step toward healing.
These steps don’t have to be perfect; they don’t have to be rushed. You need to be honest with yourself, gentle with your heart, and open with God.
This season may feel like it’s breaking you, but it’s shaping you, softening what hurts, strengthening what stays, and preparing you for what’s next.
Let this be the season you protect your peace, rebuild with purpose, and rise with God’s grace, leading the way.
Read More: What to do in the first 7 days after a breakup
With Love,
Dr Janet
